In my last real post, I mentioned some family stuff that I was going to blog about when I could do it justice. Well, doing it justice might never come, so I'm just posting it now.
While we were on vacation, my grandmother died. She was 97.
She was born and raised in Michigan, about an hour from where I live now, but had moved to Albuquerque, NM about 30 years ago after my granddad died.
Gramma took care of my mom and me when we were both too young to take care of ourselves, she introduced me to Snoopy and "angel wing" cookies, and everyone who knew her knew she was wonderful. (And my mom was right - she did make the best nut rolls! I had forgotten all about them.)
There was a small service in Albuquerque, then another up here last weekend as she was buried next to my granddad.
The hardest part was seeing her name on the funeral home sign. I never think the person in the casket looks like the person I knew, so to see her name on the sign made it all too real.
Grief is so individual. Some people grieve on the inside, some very publicly. Some don't seem to grieve at all, then fall apart months later.
I have a feeling that, as far as my grandmother goes, I'll be falling into that last category. Because as hard as it is to lose a grandparent, other things are happening that are hitting much close to home. Things I can't handle alone.
One big thing, actually.
My marriage might be over. After a long and difficult 17 years, my husband has finally done something that I am not willing to pretend didn't happen. He, however, is not willing to apologize, explain, or even discuss it. Not yet anyway. It's been a week and I am beginning to lose all hope for reconciliation.
I really hate to put this out so publicly. I know I am not exactly a Famous Blogger (quite the opposite), but as we all have seen in the PSAs, once you post something on the web, you can't unpost it.
Howevern, I need all the support I can get, even if it's from people I've never met in person. And I feel I owe an explanation for what is sure to be even shoddier blog coverage in the coming weeks/months.
The best remedy so far? Miles and miles of soothing, simple garter stitch.
"Knit on, through all crises." - Elizabeth Zimmerman